Codependancy

Codependency

Codependency happens when someone else becomes the center of our thoughts, decisions, actions, behaviors, etc.  When we suffer from codependency we lose the relationship we have with ourselves.  Our sense of self is blurred by our need to focus on another person.  Some common signs of codependency are low self-esteem, people-pleasing behavior, denial, poor communication, and obsessive thoughts. 

Codependency is a prevalent problem, but there are some key things you can do to overcome your codependency and recover a healthy relationship with yourself.  These things are:

• Bring your attention back to yourself.  Get in touch with your own thoughts and beliefs.  

• Be aware of your codependency and acknowledge when you’re having codependent thoughts.  By identifying your codependent issues you can being to change them.

• Accept yourself.  Self-acceptance and self-care are essential in conquering codependency.  When you start to accept your inherent value and realize that you have the capacity to care for yourself, change can happen.  Self-acceptance fosters a healthier relationship with ourselves and with others.

• Take action.  Once you become aware of your codependency issues start taking steps to change them.  Remember that these things don’t change overnight, start small and tackle one thing at a time.

Most of us have dealt with codependency at one point or another in our lives, so don’t feel ashamed or guilty if you’re struggling.  Start implementing the steps above and you’ll be on the road to a healthier you!

Written by: Amanda Furca, Graduate Level Intern, Loring Therapy LLC

loringtherapy.com

Adapted from the Psych Central article, “Recovering from Codependency” 

By Darlene Lancer, JD, MFT

URL:  http://psychcentral.com/lib/recovery-from-codependency/00014956

Spring Cleaning for the Mind

The beginning of spring means big changes for most. Planting flowers, spending weekends outside, and of course cleaning one’s home. Another task one should consider this time of year is spring cleaning of the mind. Making changes in one’s life to alleviate the stress built up through the winter months. Here are some tips to get your mind and clean and healthy as your living room!

• Plan out some quiet time. Take some time out of your day to reflect on the things that weigh heavy on your heart. Go for a walk, meditate, or do yoga, anything that allows you to self-reflect. Take a break from technology and take a moment to think about how you want to feel in both your life and relationships. 
• Write a Journal. To clear out your emotional space, write what you are feeling down. Doing this makes emotions seems more manageable and allows one to see them from a different perspective. 
• Let go of a grudge. Letting go of a grudge frees up emotional space that could be invested in other positive avenues. 
• Give an apology. If you feel unsettled about what you did to someone, offer them a sincere apology. Doing so removes unnecessary discomfort for you and allows you to repair those damaged connections with others. 
• Forgiving your faults. Most of the time it is easier to forgive someone else than it is to forgive ourselves. Dwelling on your past shortcomings clutters your present emotional space. Focus on forgiving your shortcomings that way you can focus your emotional energy on other more positive things. 
• Tell your Truth. Being willing to be emotionally honest with those you love allows you to build better connections with them. Make it a priority to be honest about how you’re feeling. 

Written By: Jenai Muhammad, graduate level intern, Loring Therapy, LLC www.loringtherapy.com Adapted from: http://www.sharecare.com/health/stress-reduction/article/6-ways-to-spring-clean-your-mind 

Balancing Work and Life

Our careers and what we do for a living are important to us. We are committed to our jobs and want to excel within the work place. The struggle of being committed to our work is that at times it can take priority over the rest of our lives. This can cause stress and exhaustion within us and make working unpleasant. Here are some ways to keep the commitments of work and the rest of your life in balance. 

• Be open about your needs. Identify what truly matters to you and communicate it, don’t hide what things need to happen to keep you balanced. Communicate these needs to managers and be willing to make a compromise. 
• Respect your boundaries. If you set boundaries for work-life balance, stick to them! You may be tempted to answer that call after work hours or reply back to the email at 4am, but you should stay focused on the boundaries you have set. If you can’t respect you boundaries how will anyone else be able to? 
• Understand what really matters. Focus and prioritize your work load on what really matters most to the company and complete those tasks first. Yes, the company picnic may need planning however the monthly metrics are more important. Utilize your time by working on the most important tasks that way when the work day is done you can walk away without feeling the need to complete things on off hours. 
• Embrace the off button. Every piece of technology you have has an off button, your phone, your tablet, so use it. Having a moment where you disconnect can be quite liberating. It may be difficult at first because we all are used to being connected, however with practice you will be able to embrace that disconnect. 
• Pace yourself. To have a happy healthy life you have to pace yourself. There are times when you may need to move life along faster than others, but it’s all about self-awareness. Keeping a good pace through life will allow you to not only enjoy your destination, but also the journey. 

Written By: Jenai Muhammad, graduate level intern

Edited By: Charity M. Loring, LMSW

Loring Therapy, LLC www.loringtherapy.com 

Adapted from: http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/235427 

Letting Go of the Past: Looking to the Future

We are often unable to see beyond our past indiscretions or traumas.  Grief, guilt, shame, loss, mistakes, secrets, and lies are just some of the issues that keep us locked into those dark places we once visited.  It’s so easy for us to dwell on things from our past, but what we don’t often realize is the impact this type of thinking can have on our well-being.  Our inability to let go of the past prohibits us from truly embracing and living our present and future.   

It’s not as though we need to erase our memories, we just need to figure out how to let go of the emotional turmoil that may accompany them.  Living in the present and planning for the future can be obtained by starting to incorporate the following things:

• Envision your future and set goals to aid traveling into that future.

• Get rid of things that are keeping you bound to the past.  Simplify your life by simplifying your environment.  Do you have 30 broken watches with plans to fix them all?  Do you really need them? Unless you’re in the watch repair business, probably not.  This process can be overwhelming, so start with three piles for your belongings labeled as:  keep, discard, or donate/give.  Remember to envision your future during this process, to ask for support from friends and family, and try to employ rational thinking when you become emotional.

• Make amends for the things you may have done that still plague your thoughts.  Recognize your remorse, your mistake, your pain, or the pain you’ve caused others.  Reach out to those people.  This may not fix broken relationships, but you can move forward with the knowledge that you genuinely tried to make amends for the past.

• Reframe your perspective.  We are not simply puppets, we have the power to change how we react, how we cope, and how we move forward.  This takes time and persistence, but we absolutely can change the way we think and how that thinking affects our behavior.

• Forgive those who have hurt you and forgive yourself.  Forgiving someone doesn't mean that you were letting them off the hook for what they did to Brong you. Sometimes forgiveness just means that you are letting go of a heavy burden so you can move forward. We all make mistakes, we all hurt one another.  In order to be present in your life every day, you have to let go.  Try to make things right to the best of your ability, acknowledge other people and yourself, and keep moving forward towards your future.

• Be mindful.  Start living in the present by recognizing your thoughts and surroundings as they’re happening.  This will help to curb the desire to wander back into our past.  Mindfulness will also help you better understand your emotions and responses to them.  The key here is to be non-judgmental, simply work to identify your thoughts and sensations not to criticize them.  

If you need help from someone who is supportive, knowledgeable and objective, consider contacting a local therapist. If you can start to incorporate these behaviors into your life then you’ll be able to say goodbye to the past.  You’ll be able to welcome healthier relationships with other people and a healthier relationship with yourself.  Remember to be kind to yourself and to others as you navigate this process.  Good luck!

Written by: Amanda Furca, Graduate Level Intern, Loring Therapy LLC

Edited by: Charity M. Loring, LMSW

loringtherapy.com

Adapted from the Psychology Today Article, “Let It Go,” by Judith Sills, Ph.D.

URL:  https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201410/let-it-go

Encouragement works better than Discouragement - Address your Self Loathing

Sometimes in life we are hard on ourselves. We want to be perfect and excel in everything and get disappointed when that doesn’t happen. It’s understandable to have those feelings sometimes; however self-loathing and hate shouldn’t become an everyday habit because encouragement works better than discouragement. Self Loathing affects your self-esteem and motivation to accomplish things in life. If self-loathing is something you do more often times than not, here are some steps to move forward and treat yourself in a more healthy and positive way. 

1. Forget Perfection. Many times we fall into a cycle of self-loathing due to a distorted view of ourselves. We hold ourselves to unrealistically high standards that make achieving our goals difficult. Stop comparing yourself to other people and their accomplishments and focus on your own personal self-growth. Recognize that your uniqueness is just as important as everyone else’s. 
2. Discover your self-loathing triggers. Certain situations and behaviors can trigger your self-loathing thoughts. Work to identify what those triggers are and avoid or address those situations. Doing so will help you handle and decrease your self-loathing behavior. 
3. Use positive coping mechanisms. Most self-loathing thoughts are attached to unhealthy and negative coping mechanisms like drinking or over-eating. Replace these mechanisms with something more positive like exercise or meditation. 
4. Practice daily affirmations. Giving yourself daily encouragement verbally, mentally or in the written word will really combat your self-loathing.  Everyday affirm something positive to yourself and carry that with you throughout the day as a reminder to not self-loath. An example would be “Although I make mistakes sometimes, I know I’m a good person”. 

Written By: Jenai Muhammad, graduate level intern, Loring Therapy, LLC

Edited By: Charity M. Loring, LMSW

www.loringtherapy.com 

Adapted from: http://www.wikihow.com/Stop-Hating-Yourself