Negativity Bias in the Brain & how to H.E.A.L. it

H.E.A.L - Negativity Bias in our brains.  Enhancing Happiness in your life

Negativity Bias - Everyone’s brain has a negativity bias. Our brain has evolved a hair-trigger readiness to go negative. It’s initial use in our evolution was from a survival standpoint. Our brains evolved to recognize that ‘bad things’ have more urgency than good ones, which saved our lives. However, in modern society today, we rarely face life threatening situations like we did when we were prey, but our brains are still wired to be ‘Velcro’ for the negative and ‘Teflon’ for the positive.

As a Therapist, I have many modalities I use to help people get what they are searching for in their lives. But I find that one of the more helpful approaches for our Negativity Biased brains is the H.E.A.L. method developed by Neuropsychologist, Dr. Rick Hanson. It helps our neurons to fire together, then wire together.

H.E.A.L. is not positive thinking. It is a way to enhance present positive moments that typically take place in your life. It balances our brains to to dwell on the positive rather than constantly overreact to the negative.

H - Have a positive experience that’s already present. Example: Being close to someone.

E - Enrich it. Stay with the positive experience for 5-10 seconds or longer. Open to it emotionally and physically. Let it fill your mind, enjoy it. Get those neurons firing, so they’ll really wire together. Example: Being close to someone. Open to the emotions you are having in the situation. Physically feel your emotions in your body. Does it feel like your chest is warm? Do you feel a contentment or excitement in your body?

A - Absorb it. Make a conscious decision that the experience is sinking into you as you sink into it. Let it really land in your mind.

L - (optional) - Link positive and negative material. Example: When you are feeling liked or loved by this person, link this experience with past feelings of lonliness.

*Author - Charity M. Loring, LMSW.  Loring Therapy LLC

Effective Communication - THINK Skill

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy Exercise

THINK

T - Think from other’s perspective“They never showed up. That’s unlike them. Is something going on?”
H - Have Empathy
“I hope they’re ok.”
I - Interpretation
“Do they not want to meet with me? Or am I only thinking that because I’m triggered?”
N - Notice how they’ve tried or are struggling.
“They really seemed that they wanted to get together. So maybe they do want to meet with me but something possibly went wrong?”
K - Kindness
Leave voicemail - “I’m here at the place we were supposed to meet. It’s unlike you to not show up so I hope everything is ok.”

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CONFIDENCE - You are not born with it, you Create it.

3 steps to Building Confidence

(Building Confidence is a natural treatment for Depression & Anxiety) 

Step 1:  Quick Fix - Creating confidence is a long term goal. To help keep you motivated, use positive reinforcers and create short term goals, AKA “Quick Fix’s” to encourage along the way. 

• Picture what your success would look like.
•  Be informed. Give yourself helpful knowledge through research to better understand yourself and the world around you.
• Listen to or watch something that motivates you.
• Give yourself a Pep Talk or helpful reflective thinking.
•  Start with small manageable goals to feel accomplishment along the way.
• Power Poses
•  What are some other options you can think of? _______________________________________________________________

Step 2: Believe in your ability to improve - It’s not about doing things perfect the first time around, it’s about your ability to learn and improve along the way. 

• Fixed Mindset - The belief that your talents/abilities are locked in place at birth.
• Growth Mindset - The belief that abilities can improve.  

Watch a video about it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=75GFzikmRY0https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=75GFzikmRY0

Did you know? Neuroscience has proven that connections in the brain get stronger, as do abilities, the more you practice something.

"What you practice always grows stronger."

Step 3:  Practice Failure - We all fail sometimes. Those who fail and keep trying, face challenges in a constructive way by trying different strategies, look for advice or learn through trial and error will have gained knowledge and understanding.

Examples: JK Rowling - Harry Potter Book rejected 12 times before it was published. Wright Brothers - created flight through multiple attempts with trial and error. 

Exercise: 

Take on a challenge, big or small. What will it be? 

___________________________________________________________________________________________

1. Start small with manageable steps to feel some accomplishment here and there without getting too overwhelmed (so you won’t give up early in the game).
2. Use Trial and Error multiple times to gain knowledge and improve.
3. Realize it will probably not be easy and that you’ll make mistakes. Be kind to yourself when you make mistakes. The growth process thrives with Positive reinforcers like being encouraging to your yourself and practicing patience. Negative reinforcers, such as negative self talk or giving up too early will shut down motivation and the learning process. 

Author: 

Charity Loring, LMSW

Clinical Mental Health Therapist

Loring Therapy LLC

Garden City, MI

Loringtherapy.com

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What's the difference between Guilt & Shame? How do we overcome them? Here's how:

It is important to know that overcoming guilt and shame does not mean you are letting yourself off the hook. It is merely determining responsibility, ownership, acceptance and making amends with what has occurred. 

Guilt - Based on negative Actions - What makes us feel guilty? What makes us feel shame? Both guilt and shame are closely connected to our emotions and we tend to feel them when we believe we have violated a rule that is important to us. Every person has their own set of intrinsic rules that are standards for how we should live our lives. We often tend to feel guilty when we perceive that we have done something wrong, or broke one our rules. Have you ever found yourself saying, “I should have done this”, or “I ought to have done that”? These kinds of thoughts are associated with feelings of guilt. This is because we feel that we should have done something better or more close to our standards. 

Shame - Based on negative sense of self - When we feel shame, we also tend to feel we have done something wrong. However, feelings of shame are connected to a highly negative view of ourselves. Shame can leave us feeing, inadequate, flawed, awful and no good. Moreover, secretiveness often surrounds shame and we may believe that others would think less of us if they knew “the secret”. Or that revealing our secret would result in criticism, condemnation or rejection. Because of this, we often do not share our feelings of shame, which, when remains hidden, can be emotionally destructive. 

So how can we begin to overcome our guilt and shame? Below are 5 aspects to consider:

1. Assess the seriousness of your actions. To begin assessing the seriousness of your actions you have to consider if the actions were small or large events. How you determine this will be based on your own internal rules. You can complete a thought record to help evaluate the situation and decide if the evidence supports the thought/behavior to warrant the degree of guilt/shame you are feeling. You can also ask yourself some of the following questions to obtain a different perspective on the situation: Would a friend consider this situation to be as serious as you do? Would other people consider it less serious? Why? How important will this situation be to you in 1 week, 1 month, 1 year or 5 years from now? Can any damage that occurred be corrected? How long would this take? And was there an even worse action that you considered and avoided? 

2. Weighing personal responsibility.  One way to weigh the responsibility for your guilt and shame is to complete a responsibility pie chart. To do this, you would start by listing the situation/event which contributed to your feelings and then list all the individuals/things involved in the situation/event. Once you have these listed, you can draw your pie chart in slices reflecting the appropriate amount of responsibility each person/thing played in the situation. Be sure to draw your slice last, as to not assign too much blame to yourself before considering other parts. Being able to visualize the responsibility can help to decide your course of action.

3. Breaking the silence. As mentioned, secretiveness often surrounds shame. Therefore, an important method to overcoming shame, is to be able to share with a person with whom you trust. Also, when you do decide to share, ensure that you have adequate time to be open and receive essential feedback. 

4. Self-forgiveness. Recognize that part of being  human is knowing that we all make mistakes and being a good person does not mean that you will never do something bad. Self-forgiveness includes recognizing your good and bad qualities, as well as your weaknesses and strengths. All of us at some point have violated a rule or standard. To forgive ourselves we have to change our interpretation of the mistakes we made. For example, changing your thought of “I made this mistake because I am a bad person”, to “This mistake happened during a difficult time in my life and when I didn’t care how I behaved” “This is not who I am as a person”. "I have learned from this and will do better in the future."

5. Making amends for the harm done. If harm was done related the the experience or situation it is important to make amends. This involves recognizing your wrongdoings, being able to face the person you hurt, asking for forgiveness and determining what you will do to repair the hurt and damage that occurred. 

By utilizing these 5 aspects you can minimize or even eliminate the guilt and shame you have felt. It is important to know that overcoming guilt and shame does not mean you are letting yourself off the hook. It is merely, determining responsibility, ownership, acceptance and making amends with what has occurred. 

Written By: Lara Pomnitz, graduate level intern.

Edited by Charity Loring, LMSW Loring Therapy, LLC http://www.loringtherapy.com/

Adapted from: Mind Over Mood

Balancing Work and Life

Our careers and what we do for a living are important to us. We are committed to our jobs and want to excel within the work place. The struggle of being committed to our work is that at times it can take priority over the rest of our lives. This can cause stress and exhaustion within us and make working unpleasant. Here are some ways to keep the commitments of work and the rest of your life in balance. 

• Be open about your needs. Identify what truly matters to you and communicate it, don’t hide what things need to happen to keep you balanced. Communicate these needs to managers and be willing to make a compromise. 
• Respect your boundaries. If you set boundaries for work-life balance, stick to them! You may be tempted to answer that call after work hours or reply back to the email at 4am, but you should stay focused on the boundaries you have set. If you can’t respect you boundaries how will anyone else be able to? 
• Understand what really matters. Focus and prioritize your work load on what really matters most to the company and complete those tasks first. Yes, the company picnic may need planning however the monthly metrics are more important. Utilize your time by working on the most important tasks that way when the work day is done you can walk away without feeling the need to complete things on off hours. 
• Embrace the off button. Every piece of technology you have has an off button, your phone, your tablet, so use it. Having a moment where you disconnect can be quite liberating. It may be difficult at first because we all are used to being connected, however with practice you will be able to embrace that disconnect. 
• Pace yourself. To have a happy healthy life you have to pace yourself. There are times when you may need to move life along faster than others, but it’s all about self-awareness. Keeping a good pace through life will allow you to not only enjoy your destination, but also the journey. 

Written By: Jenai Muhammad, graduate level intern

Edited By: Charity M. Loring, LMSW

Loring Therapy, LLC www.loringtherapy.com 

Adapted from: http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/235427