We are often unable to see beyond our past indiscretions or traumas. Grief, guilt, shame, loss, mistakes, secrets, and lies are just some of the issues that keep us locked into those dark places we once visited. It’s so easy for us to dwell on things from our past, but what we don’t often realize is the impact this type of thinking can have on our well-being. Our inability to let go of the past prohibits us from truly embracing and living our present and future.
It’s not as though we need to erase our memories, we just need to figure out how to let go of the emotional turmoil that may accompany them. Living in the present and planning for the future can be obtained by starting to incorporate the following things:
- Envision your future and set goals to aid traveling into that future.
- Get rid of things that are keeping you bound to the past. Simplify your life by simplifying your environment. Do you have 30 broken watches with plans to fix them all? Do you really need them? Unless you’re in the watch repair business, probably not. This process can be overwhelming, so start with three piles for your belongings labeled as: keep, discard, or donate/give. Remember to envision your future during this process, to ask for support from friends and family, and try to employ rational thinking when you become emotional.
- Make amends for the things you may have done that still plague your thoughts. Recognize your remorse, your mistake, your pain, or the pain you’ve caused others. Reach out to those people. This may not fix broken relationships, but you can move forward with the knowledge that you genuinely tried to make amends for the past.
- Reframe your perspective. We are not simply puppets, we have the power to change how we react, how we cope, and how we move forward. This takes time and persistence, but we absolutely can change the way we think and how that thinking affects our behavior.
- Forgive those who have hurt you and forgive yourself. Forgiving someone doesn't mean that you were letting them off the hook for what they did to Brong you. Sometimes forgiveness just means that you are letting go of a heavy burden so you can move forward. We all make mistakes, we all hurt one another. In order to be present in your life every day, you have to let go. Try to make things right to the best of your ability, acknowledge other people and yourself, and keep moving forward towards your future.
- Be mindful. Start living in the present by recognizing your thoughts and surroundings as they’re happening. This will help to curb the desire to wander back into our past. Mindfulness will also help you better understand your emotions and responses to them. The key here is to be non-judgmental, simply work to identify your thoughts and sensations not to criticize them.
If you need help from someone who is supportive, knowledgeable and objective, consider contacting a local therapist. If you can start to incorporate these behaviors into your life then you’ll be able to say goodbye to the past. You’ll be able to welcome healthier relationships with other people and a healthier relationship with yourself. Remember to be kind to yourself and to others as you navigate this process. Good luck!
Written by: Amanda Furca, Graduate Level Intern, Loring Therapy LLC
Edited by: Charity M. Loring, LMSW
loringtherapy.com
Adapted from the Psychology Today Article, “Let It Go,” by Judith Sills, Ph.D.
URL: https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201410/let-it-go
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