Negativity Bias in the Brain & how to H.E.A.L. it

H.E.A.L - Negativity Bias in our brains.  Enhancing Happiness in your life

Negativity Bias - Everyone’s brain has a negativity bias. Our brain has evolved a hair-trigger readiness to go negative. It’s initial use in our evolution was from a survival standpoint. Our brains evolved to recognize that ‘bad things’ have more urgency than good ones, which saved our lives. However, in modern society today, we rarely face life threatening situations like we did when we were prey, but our brains are still wired to be ‘Velcro’ for the negative and ‘Teflon’ for the positive.

As a Therapist, I have many modalities I use to help people get what they are searching for in their lives. But I find that one of the more helpful approaches for our Negativity Biased brains is the H.E.A.L. method developed by Neuropsychologist, Dr. Rick Hanson. It helps our neurons to fire together, then wire together.

H.E.A.L. is not positive thinking. It is a way to enhance present positive moments that typically take place in your life. It balances our brains to to dwell on the positive rather than constantly overreact to the negative.

H - Have a positive experience that’s already present. Example: Being close to someone.

E - Enrich it. Stay with the positive experience for 5-10 seconds or longer. Open to it emotionally and physically. Let it fill your mind, enjoy it. Get those neurons firing, so they’ll really wire together. Example: Being close to someone. Open to the emotions you are having in the situation. Physically feel your emotions in your body. Does it feel like your chest is warm? Do you feel a contentment or excitement in your body?

A - Absorb it. Make a conscious decision that the experience is sinking into you as you sink into it. Let it really land in your mind.

L - (optional) - Link positive and negative material. Example: When you are feeling liked or loved by this person, link this experience with past feelings of lonliness.

*Author - Charity M. Loring, LMSW.  Loring Therapy LLC

What's the difference between Guilt & Shame? How do we overcome them? Here's how:

It is important to know that overcoming guilt and shame does not mean you are letting yourself off the hook. It is merely determining responsibility, ownership, acceptance and making amends with what has occurred. 

Guilt - Based on negative Actions - What makes us feel guilty? What makes us feel shame? Both guilt and shame are closely connected to our emotions and we tend to feel them when we believe we have violated a rule that is important to us. Every person has their own set of intrinsic rules that are standards for how we should live our lives. We often tend to feel guilty when we perceive that we have done something wrong, or broke one our rules. Have you ever found yourself saying, “I should have done this”, or “I ought to have done that”? These kinds of thoughts are associated with feelings of guilt. This is because we feel that we should have done something better or more close to our standards. 

Shame - Based on negative sense of self - When we feel shame, we also tend to feel we have done something wrong. However, feelings of shame are connected to a highly negative view of ourselves. Shame can leave us feeing, inadequate, flawed, awful and no good. Moreover, secretiveness often surrounds shame and we may believe that others would think less of us if they knew “the secret”. Or that revealing our secret would result in criticism, condemnation or rejection. Because of this, we often do not share our feelings of shame, which, when remains hidden, can be emotionally destructive. 

So how can we begin to overcome our guilt and shame? Below are 5 aspects to consider:

1. Assess the seriousness of your actions. To begin assessing the seriousness of your actions you have to consider if the actions were small or large events. How you determine this will be based on your own internal rules. You can complete a thought record to help evaluate the situation and decide if the evidence supports the thought/behavior to warrant the degree of guilt/shame you are feeling. You can also ask yourself some of the following questions to obtain a different perspective on the situation: Would a friend consider this situation to be as serious as you do? Would other people consider it less serious? Why? How important will this situation be to you in 1 week, 1 month, 1 year or 5 years from now? Can any damage that occurred be corrected? How long would this take? And was there an even worse action that you considered and avoided? 

2. Weighing personal responsibility.  One way to weigh the responsibility for your guilt and shame is to complete a responsibility pie chart. To do this, you would start by listing the situation/event which contributed to your feelings and then list all the individuals/things involved in the situation/event. Once you have these listed, you can draw your pie chart in slices reflecting the appropriate amount of responsibility each person/thing played in the situation. Be sure to draw your slice last, as to not assign too much blame to yourself before considering other parts. Being able to visualize the responsibility can help to decide your course of action.

3. Breaking the silence. As mentioned, secretiveness often surrounds shame. Therefore, an important method to overcoming shame, is to be able to share with a person with whom you trust. Also, when you do decide to share, ensure that you have adequate time to be open and receive essential feedback. 

4. Self-forgiveness. Recognize that part of being  human is knowing that we all make mistakes and being a good person does not mean that you will never do something bad. Self-forgiveness includes recognizing your good and bad qualities, as well as your weaknesses and strengths. All of us at some point have violated a rule or standard. To forgive ourselves we have to change our interpretation of the mistakes we made. For example, changing your thought of “I made this mistake because I am a bad person”, to “This mistake happened during a difficult time in my life and when I didn’t care how I behaved” “This is not who I am as a person”. "I have learned from this and will do better in the future."

5. Making amends for the harm done. If harm was done related the the experience or situation it is important to make amends. This involves recognizing your wrongdoings, being able to face the person you hurt, asking for forgiveness and determining what you will do to repair the hurt and damage that occurred. 

By utilizing these 5 aspects you can minimize or even eliminate the guilt and shame you have felt. It is important to know that overcoming guilt and shame does not mean you are letting yourself off the hook. It is merely, determining responsibility, ownership, acceptance and making amends with what has occurred. 

Written By: Lara Pomnitz, graduate level intern.

Edited by Charity Loring, LMSW Loring Therapy, LLC http://www.loringtherapy.com/

Adapted from: Mind Over Mood

Physical Symptoms of Depression

When thinking about the signs of depression, many of us would give examples of emotional signals such as feeling sad or not having interest in daily activities. What we sometimes overlook though is the possible physical signs associated with depression. We overlook these signs so much that some suffering from depression don’t get the help they need because they initially only showed physical signs. It’s important to become aware of these physical signs of depression because identifying them may lead to a fast discovery and treatment. Although these symptoms do not always suggest depression, below are some common physical symptoms of depression.

• Headaches
• Those who suffer from depression are three times more likely to have frequent headaches and migraines.

• Back Pain
• Back pain can sometimes be symptom of depression. Those who have depression are four times more likely to have back pain. 

• Muscle Aches and Joint Pain
• If you already suffer from chronic pains, depression can make it worse. 

• Chest Pains
• Pain in your chest can be associated with depression, however if you are suffering from chest pain it’s important to see a doctor right away and it could be a serious heart issue. 

• Digestive Problems
• Depression can cause digestive problems like nausea and chronic constipation. Depression should be investigated and ruled out before major treatments for these digestive problems are started.

• Exhaustion and fatigue
• Depression and fatigue go hand in hand. When suffering from depression sometimes no matter how much sleep you get, you still feel tired. 

• Sleep Disturbances
• Depression can have and opposite effects on your sleep. Some suffers have a hard time falling asleep or being unable to go back to sleep, whereas others may sleep far more than they usually do. 

• Changes in weight
• Many studies show that an increase in weight can be associated with depression. This change is usually present more in women than men. 

Written By: Jenai Muhammad, graduate level intern and Charity M. Loring, LMSW,  Loring Therapy, LLC www.loringtherapy.com Adapted from: http://www.care2.com/greenliving/9-physical-symptoms-of-depression.html?page=1 9 Physical symptoms of Depression. By Melissa Breyer.

You can tackle Worry.

Everyone worries, about work, school, family, you name it. Sometimes though, those worries can become overwhelming and take up more time in our lives than it should. Constantly dwelling on the what-if’s and worse case scenarios can raise anxiety and really interfere with our daily lives. For those who constantly worry, it stems from our beliefs we hold about worrying. These beliefs can be both positive and negative. A positive belief could be that worrying helps prevent bad outcomes and leads to finding solution. On the other hand, a negative belief could be that worrying will take over one’s life distracting them from accomplishing our goals. To stop worrying, we have to give up the idea that it serves some positive purpose in our lives. Once one takes on the belief that worrying is a problem not a solution, one can make positive steps to stop worrying.

 

Tips to stop worrying.

 

•

Create a worry period

 

o

If you find yourself worrying all day every day, try to put a time limit on worrying. Give yourself a time frame, about twenty minutes, which you allow yourself to worry about things in the day. Allow that time to be when you’re alone, in a safe place, and long before bedtime. Once that time frame is over though, commit to not worrying about anything else for the day.

 

•

Ask yourself is the problem solvable

 

o

If your worrying about something in particular, askyourself is there something you can do about the problem and work towards the solutions. Not every issue is solvable, so work on accepting when things can’t be fixed.

 

•

Be aware of your triggers

 

o

Become aware of who or what triggers your worrying and addressing or avoiding those triggers. If you’re up all night thinking about work, don’t check emails after 5pm, or spend less time with people who make your anxious. Making subtle changes in your daily routine can minimize these worrying triggers.

Written By: Jenai Muhammad, graduate level inter, LoringTherapy, LLC www.loringtherapy.com

Adapted from:http://www.helpguide.org/mental/anxiety_self_help.htm How to Stop Worrying: Self-Help Strategies for Anxiety Relief.