Communicating effectively - Stop. Think. Talk. Listen. Resolve.

Communicating effectively

Stop. Think. Talk. Listen. Resolve.

Communication is essential to building healthy relationships. When trying to convey an important message or discuss a difficult topic, how we deliver the message can affect how it is received. Below are some useful tips to consider when communicating:

Face it. When having a serious talk it is important to conduct your conversation face to face. It may be best to avoid sending emails, text messages or writing it down because written messages can often be misinterpreted and the person may miss the message you are trying to convey. 

Timing. Is there something important you would like to discuss with your partner, boss or friend? When wanting to have a serious conversation it is imperative to find the right timing to bring up your thoughts and feelings. For instance, if you are upset with your spouse, it is probably not best to have a serious conversation when they are getting ready for bed or appear stressed after a bad day at work. It may also not be best to attempt to have a serious conversation with your boss when you are in a meeting with other employees. Instead, share with your spouse or boss that you would like to talk and find an appropriate time to share. 

Avoid Attacking. When a person feels they are being attacked they will often shut down all lines of communication and go into defense mood. Remember your goal is to resolve the problem and not prolong the issue or make things worse. Be careful of the words you choose to avoid the person feeling attacked. For example, try using words such as “I” or “we” versus “you”. 

Stay Humble. No one is perfect, so we cannot expect others to be. Instead, remain open and honest with your feelings. Don’t be afraid to apologize instead of making excuses if you made a mistake. Being humble can help you to feel better about yourself and further strengthen your relationship. 

Watch your Movements. Be aware of your body language when speaking to others. Notice your posture and your use of eye contact. Are you looking away from them when you speak? Are you slouching down? These non-verbal forms of communication indicate signs of passivity and insecurity. Instead, make eye contact when speaking and sit-up or stand up straight. Show your confidence behind your words, as well as demonstrate that you listening. Don’t play with your phone or take calls when having an important conversation. 

Stop. Think. Talk. Listen. Resolve. When you are angry it is especially important to take extra precautions when communicating. Stop and take a step back and allow yourself the opportunity to cool down. Think about why you are upset? Can the situation be resolved? When you are ready, talk it out. Listen,  allow the other person the opportunity to share. Resolve - Apologies aren’t enough, resolve how the two of you will handle things differently in the future.

Using these tips may help us to open the lines of communication. Thus, strengthening the relationships we have. Try it out!

Written By: Lara Pomnitz, graduate level intern.

Edited by Charity Loring, LMSW Loring Therapy, LLC http://www.loringtherapy.com/

Adapted from:                                                                                   .