Communicating effectively - Stop. Think. Talk. Listen. Resolve.

Communicating effectively

Stop. Think. Talk. Listen. Resolve.

Communication is essential to building healthy relationships. When trying to convey an important message or discuss a difficult topic, how we deliver the message can affect how it is received. Below are some useful tips to consider when communicating:

Face it. When having a serious talk it is important to conduct your conversation face to face. It may be best to avoid sending emails, text messages or writing it down because written messages can often be misinterpreted and the person may miss the message you are trying to convey. 

Timing. Is there something important you would like to discuss with your partner, boss or friend? When wanting to have a serious conversation it is imperative to find the right timing to bring up your thoughts and feelings. For instance, if you are upset with your spouse, it is probably not best to have a serious conversation when they are getting ready for bed or appear stressed after a bad day at work. It may also not be best to attempt to have a serious conversation with your boss when you are in a meeting with other employees. Instead, share with your spouse or boss that you would like to talk and find an appropriate time to share. 

Avoid Attacking. When a person feels they are being attacked they will often shut down all lines of communication and go into defense mood. Remember your goal is to resolve the problem and not prolong the issue or make things worse. Be careful of the words you choose to avoid the person feeling attacked. For example, try using words such as “I” or “we” versus “you”. 

Stay Humble. No one is perfect, so we cannot expect others to be. Instead, remain open and honest with your feelings. Don’t be afraid to apologize instead of making excuses if you made a mistake. Being humble can help you to feel better about yourself and further strengthen your relationship. 

Watch your Movements. Be aware of your body language when speaking to others. Notice your posture and your use of eye contact. Are you looking away from them when you speak? Are you slouching down? These non-verbal forms of communication indicate signs of passivity and insecurity. Instead, make eye contact when speaking and sit-up or stand up straight. Show your confidence behind your words, as well as demonstrate that you listening. Don’t play with your phone or take calls when having an important conversation. 

Stop. Think. Talk. Listen. Resolve. When you are angry it is especially important to take extra precautions when communicating. Stop and take a step back and allow yourself the opportunity to cool down. Think about why you are upset? Can the situation be resolved? When you are ready, talk it out. Listen,  allow the other person the opportunity to share. Resolve - Apologies aren’t enough, resolve how the two of you will handle things differently in the future.

Using these tips may help us to open the lines of communication. Thus, strengthening the relationships we have. Try it out!

Written By: Lara Pomnitz, graduate level intern.

Edited by Charity Loring, LMSW Loring Therapy, LLC http://www.loringtherapy.com/

Adapted from:                                                                                   .

Appreciating You - It's not Selfish, it's Self Preservation

How many times a day do you tell yourself, “Wow, I am so awesome!?” Probably not enough. On the other hand, how many times can you recall thinking, “I’m so stupid”, or “I can’t do this”? Negative self-talk can be self-defeating and can take a big toll over our emotional-wellbeing. 

An example of negative self-talk would be telling yourself “I’m not smart enough to get this job”.  Telling yourself this may prevent you from applying. When we feed ourselves negative talk we limit our possibilities.  Furthermore, negative self-talk can leave us feeling depressed, anxious, angry or upset. The first step to appreciating you, is to challenge your negative thinking. 

If you wouldn’t say it to someone you love, don’t say it to yourself. Would you tell someone you love “you are so stupid” or “you can’t do anything right”? Probably not. How do you think that would make them feel? Hurt, angry, upset? When we make negative comments like “I can’t do this” or “I’m not good enough”, we are in turn hurting our own feelings and damaging our own emotional-wellbeing. Instead of negative talk, ask yourself what would someone I love say to me?

Try it out:

Take a moment to reflect on the past week and identify a time where you found yourself feeling bad about yourself. What did you tell yourself? (Write this down) Now, what do you think a loved one you respect would tell you about what you wrote? (Write this down)

• Example: You say: "I completely messed up that project, I am such a failure" . Your loved one says: “You may not have done as well as you would have liked, but that does not make you a failure”.

Embrace your imperfections. Free yourself and let go. Make a mistake, learn from it  and move on. But don’t forget to smile because you are imperfect like everyone else, but you are also unique and full of strengths as well.

Written By: Lara Pomnitz, graduate level intern.

Edited by Charity Loring, LMSW Loring Therapy, LLC http://www.loringtherapy.com/