Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Anger is not the Bad Guy


Anger isn't the Bad Guy.
Anger can be Healthy and Toxic.

Anger is a natural human emotion. Anger is a powerful emotion. The answer is not to suppress anger, but to harness it. Anger can make us strive for an outcome and not run from it in many different scenarios. Anger can actually help us solve problems.

For example, let's say someone has been in a very unhealthy relationship for a long time and they truly know it's not good for them to stay in the relationship. Their partner has recently left them. Many internal things take place such as; sadness, hurt, disappointment, low self worth, and anger, just to name a few. When someone feels abandoned or rejected, they tend to feel low self worth and disappointment moreso than maybe some of the other feelings. When they feel this way, they may strive to get that person or relationship back so they no longer feel the low self worth and disappointment. But that is a temporary fix. The relationship was unhealthy to begin with, so more than likely it will continue to be unhealthy if both parties don't put a great deal of effort towards changing it. So if that person knows that they should not be in the relationship, but feel torn because they want the person back so they don't feel lonely and rejected, then Anger can actually come in handy.

Due to Anger being a powerful emotion, it can sometimes trump insecurities and help someone remember how they were wronged and how often, possibly keeping things like unhealthy relationships, abuse or any form of mistreatment at bay. There is an Anger Recalibration Theory studied by Cosmides, Tooby and Sells that allows someone to regulate how they perceive or recalibrate their own sense of self worth. If someone mistreats you, Anger can remind you that you don't have to allow mistreatment. Anger allows people to stand up for themselves. Anger can be unleashed or it can be harnessed. But Anger should never be suppressed. When people suppress anger, it rarely disappears, it tends to build up over time and then eventually makes it's way out in unhealthy ways such as abuse, yelling, alcohol /substance abuse, self harm as well as many other forms. Anger can be helpful as long as “the flame is kept low” according to Harvard’s Professor Learner. Anger can be harnessed with Assertiveness. Assertiveness allows a person to address a problem or share an opinion while respecting themselves and others. If someone lacks Assertiveness, and instead is more Aggressive, Passive or Passive-Aggressive, there is still hope. Assertiveness can be learned over time with practice. Some people study Assertiveness using self help books or get individualized instruction from a Therapist.

Anger on a biological level raises the heart rate, blood pressure, testosterone level (in men and women) and in essence, allows the body to let off steam according to Psychologists Charles Carver of the University of Miami and Eddie H. Jones of the University of New South Wales. Although high levels of the Anger response can be unhealthy, moderate to mild levels of anger cause the stress hormone, cortisol to drop which can, at times, help people to calm down and get ready to face a problem head on. When Anger is taking place, the left anterior cortex of the brain is activated. This area of the brain deals with approach behaviors that push people toward wanting outcomes or reaching goals. When this region of the brain is active, it can lead to feelings of pleasure when someone feels they can move towards making a situation better by approaching it. Basically, when we get angry, we tend to want to approach a situation to try and eliminate a problem. When the blood pressure raises, and the cortisol lowers, something as simple as venting can, at times, calm someone enough to think more rationally. But venting needs to be done in a way where it is not harming others or ourselves. Venting to a trusted friend, family member or an objective third party like a Therapist can be helpful when dealing with Anger.

Anger is not always the Bad Guy. It's what we DO with the Anger that can turn it into the Bad Guy or possibly even turn it into the Productive Guy.

Author:
Charity M. Loring, LMSW
Loring Therapy, LLC
Providing Affordable Therapy to the Metro Detroit Area
Loringtherapy.com

References:
Harvard University
University of New South Wales
University of Miami
Psychologytoday




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