You are not born with Inner Strength, You create it

In life we all have demands upon us as well as stresses, vulnerabilities, pain etc. that all require us to pull strength within ourselves to get through it. This task is sometimes easier said than done. Gaining and maintaining inner strength is important because it allows us to be more resilient to the hardships that life throws at us. Below are some steps we can take to gain inner strength. 

• Take time to reflect
• Spend some quiet time by yourself to reflect on the qualities that make you who you are. 
• Affirm those qualities
• What qualities make you unique? Turn those qualities into affirmations by making them “I am” statements. Choose 3 statements and repeat them every morning to yourself. 
• I am a good personI am caring
• I am loving and thoughtful
•  Learn to say “No”
• Never over-commit yourself. Knowing what you can and cannot do keeps you honest and true to yourself without building resentment towards others. 
• Do what gives you happiness
• Be happy in every decision you make and everything you choose to do. Keeping yourself happy is also keeping yourself strong. 
• Focus on the positive 
• Even in the worst situations, there is always some glimmer of hope or positivity. Choose to focus on the opportunity the situation presents or if it can be considered a learning experience. 
• Be open for the best
• Always keep an open and receptive mind. You never know what good is right around the corner! Prize yourself
• Always celebrate your personal “wins” in life. 
• Focus on the goodness of your intentions and actions. If you only put an emphasis on your failures, you may lose motivation to succeed.
• Say Thank You to life
• Be grateful for the things you have right now. Keeping at attitude of gratitude will help you get through life’s worst storms. 

Written By: Jenai Muhammad, graduate level intern, Loring Therapy, LLC

Edited By: Charity M. Loring, LMSW

 www.loringtherapy.com 

Adapted from: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/anne-naylor/12-ways-to-build-your-inn_b_224601.html 

Music & Mental Health

Music and Mental Health

Music is an integral part of our lives.  What we don’t often realize are the therapeutic benefits that are attached to music.  When we’re trying to study we often turn to classical music, if we’re exercising we turn to music with a steady beat, and at parties or social events we highlight music that evokes dance.  These are just a few examples of how music plays a role in our experiences.  

When we utilize music to help us deal with emotions, to encourage us to keep running, or as a tool to release anger, we’re using a healthy coping skill which can allow for focus or release. 

Try to pay attention to the music you turn to when you’re experiencing specific emotions.  How does it make you feel?  Be mindful of your reactions and emotional response so you can implement particular songs or types of music when you’re trying to tackle a specific task or emotion.  

Research indicates that while listening to music can significantly improve our moods, playing an instrument or creating music is also a great tool to harness and release emotions.  Creating music can not only improve your focus and brain function, it can allow for artistic release while often acting as a bridge to connect with others.  

Music can help us in so many endeavors on so many levels, but avoid listening to songs that may be triggering.  Just as music can help us to focus and cope, it can also trigger depression or anxiety.  If you notice certain music or songs are associated with a negative experience or if the music is unappealing to you, then be mindful of what songs or types of music you turn to when you are trying to improve mood or complete tasks. 

Music is a powerful tool, use it to your advantage as much as possible!  Happy listening and creating! 

Written by: Amanda Furca, Graduate Level Intern, Loring Therapy LLC

Edited by: Charity M. Loring, LMSW

loringtherapy.com

Adapted from the article, “How Music Affects our Mood,” by Suzanne Boothby.

URL:  http://www.healthline.com/health-news/mental-listening-to-music-lifts-or-reinforces-mood-051713#1

What is "Fly on the Wall" Therapy?

As a Mental Health Therapist, I sometimes practice a Couples Counseling Therapeutic Technique I created called "Fly on the Wall" Therapy.

What is "Fly on the Wall" Therapy?

"Fly on the Wall" Therapy is a technique used when the couple is in session with the Therapist but only 1 person gets to speak for 1/2 hour with the therapist while the other person observes. The last 1/2 hour of the session, both people have equal opportunity to communicate with the Therapist and each other.  The following session allows the next person to have the first 1/2 hour to communicate with the Therapist while the other person observes. Sometimes "Fly on the Wall" Therapy consists of dedicating the first 1/2 hour to one person, then the last 1/2 hour to the other person.

Why do this?

1. It fosters a safe environment for each person to express how they truly feel with a professional involved. 
There may be times when an individual may be fearful to express something important to their partner.  When a Therapist is present, it is the Therapist's job to make sure there are no interruptions or arguments and that the individual gets their due time in being heard. A professional Therapist makes sure that everything being communicated is done so in a respectful and open manner.

2. It teaches Active Listening.
Active Listening is a Counseling Technique where the Listener is attentive to what the other person is saying without interruption.  During active listening, the Listener is encouraged to try to not formulate their response until the other person is done talking. Once it is the Listeners time to speak, they will reflect back, without opinion, what the other person said while making eye contact with their partner. Once the reflection is done, then the Listener responds with their own opinion and feedback.

3.  Most times, in the first 1/2 hour, the Speaker tends to be very honest about their perspective on their partners actions AND their own actions.
When someone is in a Therapy Session where they know their perspective is being over heard, they tend to take more accountability for their actions than if their partner was not in the room. This allows for more self reflection and personal responsibility on the speakers end.

This Technique can also be used at home as a Therapeutic exercise for Couples.  Although there is not the participation of a professional to mediate, it is still a good exercise for practicing Active Listening and Personal Accountability.

Author: Charity M. Loring, LMSW
Ms. Loring is a Clinical Therapist in her Private Practice, Loring Therapy LLC.
Loring Therapy LLC is located in Garden City, MI.
www.loringtherapy.com

The 5 Languages of Love can help your relationships

The 5 languages of Love

It’s a fact that everyone needs to be loved. The complicated thing is that everyone prefers to be shown love in different ways. Some people like to be given complements, others like to be showered with gifts. Finding out what type of love language works best for you and others can strengthen your relationships. Communicate with your loved ones to find out exactly what their love language is. Gary D. Chapman wrote a book with an in-depth analysis of the 5 languages, but here is a quick overview of the 5 ways people like to be shown love! 

Words of Affirmation

If a loved one prefers words of affirmation that means they prefer spoken praise and appreciation. They enjoy being complemented on their work and feel the best and most appreciated when you do so. 

“Thank you for taking the trash out, I really appreciate it!”

Acts of Service

For those who prefer to be shown love in acts of service, to them actions speak louder than words. These people enjoy a person doing simple acts for them such as helping clean the house or offering to help them with a large project. 

“Oh don’t worry, I already cleaned the house for you.”

Receiving Gifts

For those who speak this language of love, nice surprises are what makes them happy. The gifts don’t need to be expensive, it’s more of the thought that counts. Little things like a homemade card or flowers will make those who speak this language feel loved the most.

“I was thinking about you today, so I stopped and picked up your favorite candy”

Quality Time

Those who speak the love language of quality time feel loved the most when you give them your undivided attention. Turning off the TV and really listening and conversing with them shows that you really care. 

“So how was your day?”

Physical Touch

There is an emotional power in human touch, and for those who speak this love language touch is the best way to show your love. Something as simple as a hug makes them feel loved and appreciated. 

“You looked like you had a bad day, give me a hug it will be ok” 

Although people experience multiple preferences in the love languages, we all tend to lean more towards one more than the others. 

So what love language do you prefer?

What love languages do you think your different loved ones prefer?

Written By: Jenai Muhammad, Graduate level intern, Loring Therapy, LLC

Edited By: Charity M. Loring, LMSW

 www.loringtherapy.com 

Adapted from: http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/communication-and-conflict/learn-to-speak-your-spouses-love-language/understanding-the-five-love-languages

How to Handle Self-Sabotaging Behavior

How to Handle Self-Sabotaging Behavior

Throughout our lives there are many things that we want to accomplish. And as life would have it, there are just as many things that might get in our way. The interesting thing is that sometimes the thing that keeps us from accomplishing our goals is ourselves. It can be negative self-talk, fear, or doubts. For us to be as successful as possible, we must take steps to combat this self-sabotaging behavior. 

Take ownership of your goals

When you decide to take on a project in any part of your life, take ownership for what comes with it. Don’t blame everything and everyone around you for the circumstances around accomplishing your goal. Take ownership of the choice you made to start that project and focus on the end result of completing it. 

Avoid Avoidance and move forward

Focus on the tasks that are truly productive not just what’s on the surface. Those who play the victim tend to focus on every task except what really needs to be done to give them a false ideal that they are being productive which allows them to justify the lack of real progress. Move forward with the proper steps to achieve your goals. 

Everyone needs a Cheerleader!

Achieving your goals requires a lot of courage to overcome the fear, doubts and guilt that may come with your decisions. Surround yourself with people who are supportive and encouraging. This makes getting past those initial fears a lot easier.   And don’t forget your most important cheerleader, yourself!

Written By: Jenai Muhammad, graduate level intern, Loring Therapy, LLC www.loringtherapy.com . Edited by Charity M. Loring, LMSW

Adapted from: http://99u.com/articles/14627/victim-no-more-how-to-stop-self-sabotaging

Coping with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

​PTSD is a form of anxiety that occurs after exposure to a traumatic event(s).  Anxiety is a completely natural reaction to stress, however, when it becomes a preventative presence in our daily living activities it becomes a problem that needs to be addressed.  Some of the most common PTSD symptoms are nightmares, flashbacks, feeling as though you are reliving the traumatic event again, consistent anxiety, fear, and avoidance.

​If you or someone you know is suffering from PTSD, please know that help is available.  There are also things you can try to help yourself or your loved one through PTSD.  Calming your body is an important tool to reduce anxiety, try deep breathing or muscle relaxation techniques to relax your body.  If you experience flashbacks and relive the traumatic event, grounding techniques are very helpful to reconnect you with the present.  Grounding includes exercises such as touching things and describing them out loud, reciting the alphabet backwards, naming off items on a particular list (cities, states, animals, etc), and running water over your hands while verbalizing how that feels.  When grounding, it’s helpful to keep your eyes open, to practice regularly, and to ask for help from someone you trust.  

​Remember, the sooner you address PTSD symptoms, the easier it is to get them under control.  Reach out for help to your family, friends, or health provider.  

 

 

Written by: Amanda Furca, Graduate Level Intern, Loring Therapy LLC

loringtherapy.com

Adapted from the AnxietyBC online guide, “Self-Help Strategies for PTSD.”

URL: http://www.anxietybc.com/sites/default/files/adult_hmptsd.pdf

To Speak Up or not to Speak Up. That is the question. Discovering if your approach is Passive, Aggressive, Passive-Agressive or Assertive

To speak up or not to speak up. 

That is the question.

Finding our if you have a 

Passive, Aggressive, Passive-Aggressive

or Assertive Approach helps!

There are times that we feel we need to speak up for ourselves. There are times that we feel we need to keep quiet.  Picking our battles is a part of life.

But do you ever tend to lean one way more than the other? 

If you often find that you keep your comment to yourself when you find something upsetting, then you may have a somewhat Passive approach.

If you often find hat you tend to be overly opinionated when you find something upsetting, you may have a somewhat Aggressive approach.

If you often find that you will use guilt, sarcasm or unclear hints when you find something upsetting you may have a somewhat Passive-Aggressive approach.

The trick is to find a balance.  To not be passive, aggressive or even passive aggressive. The healthier approach is to be Assertive. Being Assertive means that you pick and choose your battles like everyone else, but that you do so by checking your intentions, developing some possible solutions before hand, but in a fair but firm way.

Example:

Passive Approach - Keep giving money to someone when it is not within your budget. Say nothing to that person and develop internal resentment.

Aggressive Approach - “Stop asking me for money you irresponsible loser!”

Passive-Aggressive Approach - “Sure I’ll give you money, I just won’t pay my own bills this month.”

Assertive approach - Check intentions first. Make sure the intention is to express that you will not give the person money anymore in a fair but firm way while offering a possible solution(s).

“I am no longer going to give you money. Please don’t ask me anymore. Our friendship is important to me. If I keep giving you money, I will keep getting upset with you and it might damage our friendship. If you want to sit down and figure out a budget, I can help you with that if you like.”

To be honest, this is all easier said than done. It takes time and practice to get good at being assertive. Getting the help of a therapist, mentor or group may help you in this journey.

Here are some resources if you live in the Metro Detroit Area:

Loring Therapy in Garden City, MI - loringtherapy.com

Assertiveness/ Setting Healthy Boundaries Group, Facilitated through Emotional Support Collaborative by Loring Therapy in Garden City - 

http://www.meetup.com/Emotional-Support-Collaborative