How to Handle Self-Sabotaging Behavior

How to Handle Self-Sabotaging Behavior

Throughout our lives there are many things that we want to accomplish. And as life would have it, there are just as many things that might get in our way. The interesting thing is that sometimes the thing that keeps us from accomplishing our goals is ourselves. It can be negative self-talk, fear, or doubts. For us to be as successful as possible, we must take steps to combat this self-sabotaging behavior. 

Take ownership of your goals

When you decide to take on a project in any part of your life, take ownership for what comes with it. Don’t blame everything and everyone around you for the circumstances around accomplishing your goal. Take ownership of the choice you made to start that project and focus on the end result of completing it. 

Avoid Avoidance and move forward

Focus on the tasks that are truly productive not just what’s on the surface. Those who play the victim tend to focus on every task except what really needs to be done to give them a false ideal that they are being productive which allows them to justify the lack of real progress. Move forward with the proper steps to achieve your goals. 

Everyone needs a Cheerleader!

Achieving your goals requires a lot of courage to overcome the fear, doubts and guilt that may come with your decisions. Surround yourself with people who are supportive and encouraging. This makes getting past those initial fears a lot easier.   And don’t forget your most important cheerleader, yourself!

Written By: Jenai Muhammad, graduate level intern, Loring Therapy, LLC www.loringtherapy.com . Edited by Charity M. Loring, LMSW

Adapted from: http://99u.com/articles/14627/victim-no-more-how-to-stop-self-sabotaging

Coping with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

​PTSD is a form of anxiety that occurs after exposure to a traumatic event(s).  Anxiety is a completely natural reaction to stress, however, when it becomes a preventative presence in our daily living activities it becomes a problem that needs to be addressed.  Some of the most common PTSD symptoms are nightmares, flashbacks, feeling as though you are reliving the traumatic event again, consistent anxiety, fear, and avoidance.

​If you or someone you know is suffering from PTSD, please know that help is available.  There are also things you can try to help yourself or your loved one through PTSD.  Calming your body is an important tool to reduce anxiety, try deep breathing or muscle relaxation techniques to relax your body.  If you experience flashbacks and relive the traumatic event, grounding techniques are very helpful to reconnect you with the present.  Grounding includes exercises such as touching things and describing them out loud, reciting the alphabet backwards, naming off items on a particular list (cities, states, animals, etc), and running water over your hands while verbalizing how that feels.  When grounding, it’s helpful to keep your eyes open, to practice regularly, and to ask for help from someone you trust.  

​Remember, the sooner you address PTSD symptoms, the easier it is to get them under control.  Reach out for help to your family, friends, or health provider.  

 

 

Written by: Amanda Furca, Graduate Level Intern, Loring Therapy LLC

loringtherapy.com

Adapted from the AnxietyBC online guide, “Self-Help Strategies for PTSD.”

URL: http://www.anxietybc.com/sites/default/files/adult_hmptsd.pdf

To Speak Up or not to Speak Up. That is the question. Discovering if your approach is Passive, Aggressive, Passive-Agressive or Assertive

To speak up or not to speak up. 

That is the question.

Finding our if you have a 

Passive, Aggressive, Passive-Aggressive

or Assertive Approach helps!

There are times that we feel we need to speak up for ourselves. There are times that we feel we need to keep quiet.  Picking our battles is a part of life.

But do you ever tend to lean one way more than the other? 

If you often find that you keep your comment to yourself when you find something upsetting, then you may have a somewhat Passive approach.

If you often find hat you tend to be overly opinionated when you find something upsetting, you may have a somewhat Aggressive approach.

If you often find that you will use guilt, sarcasm or unclear hints when you find something upsetting you may have a somewhat Passive-Aggressive approach.

The trick is to find a balance.  To not be passive, aggressive or even passive aggressive. The healthier approach is to be Assertive. Being Assertive means that you pick and choose your battles like everyone else, but that you do so by checking your intentions, developing some possible solutions before hand, but in a fair but firm way.

Example:

Passive Approach - Keep giving money to someone when it is not within your budget. Say nothing to that person and develop internal resentment.

Aggressive Approach - “Stop asking me for money you irresponsible loser!”

Passive-Aggressive Approach - “Sure I’ll give you money, I just won’t pay my own bills this month.”

Assertive approach - Check intentions first. Make sure the intention is to express that you will not give the person money anymore in a fair but firm way while offering a possible solution(s).

“I am no longer going to give you money. Please don’t ask me anymore. Our friendship is important to me. If I keep giving you money, I will keep getting upset with you and it might damage our friendship. If you want to sit down and figure out a budget, I can help you with that if you like.”

To be honest, this is all easier said than done. It takes time and practice to get good at being assertive. Getting the help of a therapist, mentor or group may help you in this journey.

Here are some resources if you live in the Metro Detroit Area:

Loring Therapy in Garden City, MI - loringtherapy.com

Assertiveness/ Setting Healthy Boundaries Group, Facilitated through Emotional Support Collaborative by Loring Therapy in Garden City - 

http://www.meetup.com/Emotional-Support-Collaborative 

6 steps to keeping New Year's Resolutions

Tackling New Year’s Resolutions

It’s that time of year where most of us are contemplating changes we can implement to better our lives.  Often these changes include weight loss, increasing exercise, quitting smoking, healthier eating, handling finances better, and many more.  Despite the best of intentions, New Year’s resolutions often don’t become a permanent change in our routines.  When we realize that we’ve failed to meet our goals, our mental health can be negatively impacted.  Utilizing a plan of action, a positive attitude, and a support system can help us to turn our resolutions into solid life changes.

Steps we can take to ensure success are:

(1) start small – don’t make your goals so large that it will be impossible to meet them.

(2) focus on one behavior – attempting to change multiple behaviors becomes overwhelming and often leads us to give up.

(3) Verbalize your intentions – bring your friends and family on board, some may join you in your goals while others will support your efforts.

(4) Don’t be so hard on yourself – change takes time, allow yourself to make mistakes and don’t use them as an excuse to give up.

(5) Be Consistent when you start to become inconsistent - When you don't follow through with your resolution one day, pick it right back up the next day.  This will develop consistency and patience with yourself along the way.

(6) Ask for help – accept help from those who you’re close to.  When you’re struggling with reaching your goals and the ensuing negativity, reach out for help from those whom you trust or from a professional mental health provider.  Outside perspectives can help you develop new strategies and coping mechanisms to achieve the changes you want in your life.

Written by: Amanda Furca, Graduate Level Intern and Charity Loring, LMSW

Loring Therapy LLC

loringtherapy.com

Adapted from the APA Online Publication, “Making your New Year’s resolution stick.” 

http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/resolution.aspx

5 Steps to Manage Holiday Stress

       It’s not uncommon to hear that people are entering the holiday season with an overwhelming feeling of dread.  For many of us, the holiday season highlights the things that we are missing in our lives.  The holiday blues often include: pressure to feel joyful, remembering past holidays, thoughts of lost loved ones, loneliness, money problems, and winter weather/lack of sunlight.  

1. Despite the difficulties of the holiday season, there are things we can do to lessen our stress. 
2. Don’t dismiss the way you feel, forcing yourself to feel a particular way may make you feel worse.  
3. Try to get in twenty minutes of sun daily.  Both exercise and sun can help maintain healthy chemical balances in your body that keep depression and stress under control.  
4.  Volunteer to help someone else (soup kitchen, nursing home, homeless shelter, etc.).  
5.  Create new traditions that incorporate things you enjoy.  
6.  Stay busy and fill your calendar with pleasurable events or people.  

Being prepared for the holidays will help to navigate them with less stress and depression.  One of the most important things you can do to alleviate holiday negativity is to recognize the positives in your life.  Take the time to do some self-reflection and identify all of the things you have going for you.  Incorporating these things along with some healthy perspective can make your holiday season much more manageable and enjoyable.  

Written by: Amanda Furca, Graduate Level Intern, Loring Therapy LLC

loringtherapy.com

Adapted from the 2006 Psych Central Article, “Beating the Holiday Blues,” by Maud Purcell. 

http://psychcentral.com/lib/beating-the-holiday-blues/000390

Emotional Hygiene

Did you brush your teeth?

Did you shower?

Did you work on your Emotional Hygiene?

No? 

Emotional Hygiene is creating small daily habits of addressing our emotional issues.

Some of the things we can do to keep our Emotional Hygiene clean are:

1. Pay attention to emotional pain - If you had physical pain lasting more than a few days, you would probably go to the doctor. Treating emotional pain is just as important. You may want to treat it with self help exercises or get help from a Therapist.
2. Protect Your Self Esteem - Our Self Esteem is like and emotional immune system.  When we are feeling down about ourselves, we don't cope as well as we would like. When we are feeling better about ourselves, we tend to cope with the stress of life better. There are many techniques to use for this or you can get professional help from a local Counselor.  Stay posted for some of these techniques in upcoming Blogs.

We should put as much effort towards strengthening our minds as we do our teeth. Emotional Hygiene assists us in that daily process.

Written by: Charity M. Loring, LMSW, Clinical Therapist

Loring Therapy, LLC

www.loringtherapy.com

Adapted from - G. Winch, Steps to Emotional Hygiene

Care for your Emotional Health just as much as your Physical Health

Emotional Self-Care

*TIP* - WRITE out this exercise. If you just think about this, it may not absorb as thoroughly as it would if you were to take the time and write it out. Example: If you said you were hungry, but just thought about food, you would still be hungry.  Writing is like preparing the food. Re-reading what you have written is like eating or absorbing the food.

Step 1 - Write or type out actual attributes you believe you have in the important realms in your life. If Relationships are an important realm, what attributes do you believe you have when it comes to relationships? You can address different realms as well such as: Work, Social life etc.

Step 2 - Write an essay on why you value those attributes in others and why you think others value those attributes in general.

Written by loringtherapy.com

Adapted by G. Winch  - Emotional First Aid