To Speak Up or not to Speak Up. That is the question. Discovering if your approach is Passive, Aggressive, Passive-Agressive or Assertive

To speak up or not to speak up. 

That is the question.

Finding our if you have a 

Passive, Aggressive, Passive-Aggressive

or Assertive Approach helps!

There are times that we feel we need to speak up for ourselves. There are times that we feel we need to keep quiet.  Picking our battles is a part of life.

But do you ever tend to lean one way more than the other? 

If you often find that you keep your comment to yourself when you find something upsetting, then you may have a somewhat Passive approach.

If you often find hat you tend to be overly opinionated when you find something upsetting, you may have a somewhat Aggressive approach.

If you often find that you will use guilt, sarcasm or unclear hints when you find something upsetting you may have a somewhat Passive-Aggressive approach.

The trick is to find a balance.  To not be passive, aggressive or even passive aggressive. The healthier approach is to be Assertive. Being Assertive means that you pick and choose your battles like everyone else, but that you do so by checking your intentions, developing some possible solutions before hand, but in a fair but firm way.

Example:

Passive Approach - Keep giving money to someone when it is not within your budget. Say nothing to that person and develop internal resentment.

Aggressive Approach - “Stop asking me for money you irresponsible loser!”

Passive-Aggressive Approach - “Sure I’ll give you money, I just won’t pay my own bills this month.”

Assertive approach - Check intentions first. Make sure the intention is to express that you will not give the person money anymore in a fair but firm way while offering a possible solution(s).

“I am no longer going to give you money. Please don’t ask me anymore. Our friendship is important to me. If I keep giving you money, I will keep getting upset with you and it might damage our friendship. If you want to sit down and figure out a budget, I can help you with that if you like.”

To be honest, this is all easier said than done. It takes time and practice to get good at being assertive. Getting the help of a therapist, mentor or group may help you in this journey.

Here are some resources if you live in the Metro Detroit Area:

Loring Therapy in Garden City, MI - loringtherapy.com

Assertiveness/ Setting Healthy Boundaries Group, Facilitated through Emotional Support Collaborative by Loring Therapy in Garden City - 

http://www.meetup.com/Emotional-Support-Collaborative