When we feel depressed or hopeless we are constantly searching for answers to not feel that way anymore. But really, we need to stop looking for "answers" because they vary for each person. We just need to look for starting point.
When we receive advice from others like: create a goal, pick up a hobby, socialize more with others, we may perceive those to be answers to depression or hopelessness. But they are not answers, they are just good starting points.
Let's say for example that you've been depressed for a while and are isolating yourself. A friend tells you to socialize more with others to fight the depression. Let's say you actually do that in a large group setting with people you don't know very well, and in the end you don't feel much better. Then you may take on the belief that if that was an answer to your depression, and it didn't work, then something must be wrong with you. But something is not wrong with you.
The example of socializing can be somewhat helpful when depressed, but it can also be exhausting if it is done around people you're not very close with or if other challenging factors are involved. If you did it once and it didn't work, you may give up and never want to do it again. Again, you may feel that "the answer" did not work and that something is wrong with you. And If you feel that something is wrong with you, you may just want to give up on trying anything else because, what's the point?
But let's say, as an example, you do try to socialize, but in a more manageable way. Let's say you choose to socialize with people who you know a little better in smaller groups or one on one. Let's say when you socialize, you don't put high expectations on yourself of being perfect or the life of the party. Maybe you choose to not judge yourself, but just take in the company of others. And let's say you do it over a considerable amount of time. What then happens is that you start to develop a healthy habit. You start to develop somewhat of a comfort level with spending time with others instead of isolating yourself. That healthy habit might be a small facet to you feeling a little better. So socializing with others was a good starting point. Making it manageable probably made it a bit easier to do over a period of time, which in turn, made it a healthy habit. This healthy habit combined with other healthy habits could eventually lead to less depression or no depression at all.
Realistically, I realize that sometimes it's difficult to even find a starting point. If that is the case, look for ideas from loved ones or a professional like a therapist or therapeutic support group to point you in a helpful direction. A professional can help you explore how you got to this point, what some of your patterns and triggers are, and make you more aware of your reactions to life in general. Once you understand yourself better, it's easier to understand what starting points might be good for you.
Sometimes we subconsciously believe that we have to find "answers" to make us better. Let's not limit ourselves to an answer or answers anymore. Let's open the possibilities up by just using a starting point to make more positive changes in a manageable way so that it can become a consistent part of our lives.
Author: Charity M. Loring, LMSW
Loringtherapy.com
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