Creativity is important. Tips on how to be creative.

There are methods to increase or improve one’s creativity. Such techniques include:

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Working while sleepy or slightly tired – While this sounds counter-productive, when a person is tired or sleepy, his or her mind tends to wander a bit, which may cause the person to think of something he or she has not considered before.

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Take time to be creative – Set a certain time of the day aside to allow your mind to wander and “daydream.” Having this set time gives a person the freedom to relax.

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Accept debate – debating with others can help a person think about something in a different perspective, to think outside the box.

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Allow a little background noise – if things are too quiet, the mind can become too relaxed, too noisy and there is too much distraction, find the right balance, possibly what would be found in a coffee shop.

Adapted from the article “Four Secrets of Creativity” in Psychology Today, May/June, 2012, Volume 45, Issue 3

By James Clapper, graduate level intern, Loring Therapy

2240 Garden City, MI

Loringtherapy.com

Emotions are as real as Rationale

We all have feelings, we are human after all. We have positive feelings, negative feelings and everything in between. The last thing anybody ever wants to hear is that they are not feeling a certain way or that they should not feel a certain way. It leaves the person feeling misunderstood, even more upset than before, or invalid.

A lot of times people tend to think in black-and-white. Some people may be completely rational. Some people may be completely emotional. But it's okay to be both. If you take an all or nothing approach with either, you are not being true to yourself. Being able to see validity and emotions as well as rationale allows us to find the truth in each situation.

In mental health terms, there is a theory of "Wise Mind " (Diagram listed). Wise mind is a balance between using your rationale while also giving your emotions consideration. If we tend to lean one way or another, we are not taking in the bigger picture and end up suppressing important factors.

Remember:

Rationale is very important.

Having feelings of any kind is also important. 

Allow yourself to have both.

"I wish you could see yourself the way I see you." The profound impact of insecurity.

How many times have you looked at someone you care about and thought, "I wish you could see yourself the way I see you."? You want that person to see their own worth as much as you do.

As a therapist, I have the privilege of seeing people for who they truly are. The good, the bad and the in between. Most times I see people at their worst. But this does not jade me against the human species. It actually helps me appreciate people even more, with all their flaws included.

I have worked with people from all backgrounds. From CEO's of large corporations to those who  work in fast food jobs or have even been homeless. I've worked with people who have suffered emotionally from severe clinical depression, anxiety and trauma to those who have gone through a break up or have experienced a loss in their life.

On my therapy couch, I see what my clients consider to be their flaws. But I don't really consider them flaws, I see them as huge internal struggles that they are actually willing to tackle through therapy. For that, I admire them greatly. One of the hardest things we have to face in this world is ourselves.

Insecurity is what it is. It's a normal human feeling that we all have at some level. But when insecurity goes to an extreme, it can become very damaging in many ways. I truly believe that severe insecurity is the root of most of our issues. When we don't trust ourselves, we don't trust the world around us. When we hate ourselves, we hate others. When we expect perfection from ourselves, We expect perfection everywhere. Insecurity makes us extremely needy. Insecurity can also create false confidence. Confidence is when you genuinely care about yourself and the welfare of others. False confidence is when you feel better than others at their expense. Some people exhibit false confidence by loving the way they look on the outside, but disliking who they are on the inside. Some people exhibit false confidence by making themselves appear better than others around them in a demeaning fashion. This not only hurts the individual with false confidence, but it also strains their relationships.

Insecurity can also hurt those around us. For some people, when they are dealing with a loved one who has extreme insecurity, they feel as if they can never do enough for that person, that their efforts are always in vain. They feel hopeless over ever being able to help. At times they feel exhausted, as if they have to mentally detach from the person. At times they become very angry with the situation or the person who is extremely insecure. This can leave a trail of broken hearts on both sides of the situation.

If we can learn to harness our insecurity, bringing it to a realistic level, we can have a lot of power. We can have the power to make significant positive change in our lives and others lives. We can have the power to face our deepest fears. We can have the power to love ourselves and others at a very genuine level. 

A constant issue most people face with insecurity is feeling that they are not deserving, capable or worthy of being happy. This might be based on past mistakes, who they think they are, feeling broken or a myriad of other reasons.

If we do not give ourselves permission to feel worthy or forgive ourselves, then we have given ourselves permission to never grow or proceed further in our lives. Most feel that if they do allow themselves to feel deserving, then they may become egotistical or let themselves off the hook for their past transgressions. 

However:

If you can give yourself permission to be ok with who you are, flaws and all, then you give yourself permission to learn, grow, give others the best version of yourself, be genuine and begin to live life to its fullest. 

If you feel you need help in this venture, seek help from others such as loved ones, a mentor, a therapist or a support group. Try to gain fresh perspective on yourself and life in general around you. You may discover that you are far more capable, deserving and beautiful than you realize.

Author: Charity M. Loring, LMSW

Charity is a mental health therapist treating cliens through her private practice in Garden City, Michigan. Charity and her interns provide affordable therapy to individuals, couples and groups. For more information on Charity and her services, go to: www.loringtherapy.com 

When You are Depressed, Don't look for answers, Look for a starting point.

When we feel depressed or hopeless we are constantly searching for answers to not feel that way anymore. But really, we need to stop looking for "answers" because they vary for each person. We just need to look for starting point.

When we receive advice from others like: create a goal, pick up a hobby, socialize more with others, we may perceive those to be answers to depression or hopelessness. But they are not answers, they are just good starting points. 

Let's say for example that you've been depressed for a while and are isolating yourself.  A friend tells you to socialize more with others to fight the depression. Let's say you actually do that in a large group setting with people you don't know very well, and in the end you don't feel much better. Then you may take on the belief that if that was an answer to your depression, and it didn't work, then something must be wrong with you. But something is not wrong with you.

The example of socializing can be somewhat helpful when depressed, but it can also be exhausting if it is done around people you're not very close with or if other challenging factors are involved. If you did it once and it didn't work, you may give up and never want to do it again. Again, you may feel that "the answer" did not work and that something is wrong with you. And If you feel that something is wrong with you, you may just want to give up on trying anything else because, what's the point?

But let's say, as an example, you do try to socialize, but in a more manageable way. Let's say you choose to socialize with people who you know a little better in smaller groups or one on one. Let's say when you socialize, you don't put high expectations on yourself of being perfect or the life of the party. Maybe you choose to not judge yourself, but just take in the company of others. And let's say you do it over a considerable amount of time. What then happens is that you start to develop a healthy habit. You start to develop somewhat of a comfort level with spending time with others instead of isolating yourself. That healthy habit might be a small facet to you feeling a little better. So socializing with others was a good starting point. Making it manageable probably made it a bit easier to do over a period of time, which in turn, made it a healthy habit. This healthy habit combined with other healthy habits could eventually lead to less depression or no depression at all. 

Realistically, I realize that sometimes it's difficult to even find a starting point. If that is the case, look for ideas from loved ones or a professional like a therapist or therapeutic support group to point you in a helpful direction. A professional can help you explore how you got to this point, what some of your patterns and triggers are, and make you more aware of your reactions to life in general. Once you understand yourself better, it's easier to understand what starting points might be good for you.

Sometimes we subconsciously believe that we have to find "answers" to make us better. Let's not limit ourselves to an answer or answers anymore. Let's open the possibilities up by just using a starting point to make more positive changes in a manageable way so that it can become a consistent part of our lives.

Author: Charity M. Loring, LMSW

Loringtherapy.com

Beating yourself up mentally has the opposite effect

Being hard on yourself mentally has the opposite effect. Beating your self up doesn't push you harder, it keeps you stuck. The bully in your head convinces you that you are worthless or that it's pointless. So why even try to make a positive change? Beating yourself up mentally lets you off the hook to grow emotionally and intellectually. 

You are not perfect. No one is. Realizing this could potentially let you know that you are going to make mistakes, you will fear things. You are human after all.  You are worthy enough to make change in your life. It will not only make you happier, but it will make those around you happier. Try using encouragement instead of discouragement to help yourself along the way in becoming a better person.

If you find that you need additional help, seek out group therapy or individual therapy and allow a therapist to guide you in the right direction.

Do you make too many excuses?

Everyone has had cause to make an excuse for something at one time or another. It may be saying I am sorry I forgot your birthday, I have had a lot n my mind lately, or something more elaborate. Excuses can be helpful, sometimes, if it is to help stave off bad feelings (as in the birthday example) or for business purposes (many customers feel better knowing there is a reason behind a problem, even if it is an excuse). 

However, if done too often it can become a way of life. People can begin to use excuses to avoid taking responsibility for things, or for problems which they can correct but choose not to. Creating excuses too often can make one seem insincere, less motivated, stubborn  or maybe even uncaring.  There are times when it is better to remain silent than to offer an excuse. There are times when we must stop making excuses and try harder. Because, at the end of the day, if it is something that is truly important, you will find a way to make it work. If it is not important, you will find excuses.

 

Taken from the article “What’s your Excuse?” in Psychology Today, July/August, 2104, Volume 47, Issue 4.

 

By James Clapper, Graduate Level Intern, and Charity Loring, LMSW.

Loring Therapy, LLC

Loringtherapy.com