Anger isn't the Bad
Guy.
Anger can be Healthy
and Toxic.
Anger is a natural human emotion.
Anger is a powerful emotion. The answer is not to suppress anger,
but to harness it. Anger can make us strive for an outcome and not
run from it in many different scenarios. Anger can actually help us
solve problems.
For example, let's say someone has been
in a very unhealthy relationship for a long time and they truly know
it's not good for them to stay in the relationship. Their partner
has recently left them. Many internal things take place such as;
sadness, hurt, disappointment, low self worth, and anger, just to
name a few. When someone feels abandoned or rejected, they tend to
feel low self worth and disappointment moreso than maybe some of the
other feelings. When they feel this way, they may strive to get that
person or relationship back so they no longer feel the low self worth
and disappointment. But that is a temporary fix. The relationship
was unhealthy to begin with, so more than likely it will continue to
be unhealthy if both parties don't put a great deal of effort towards
changing it. So if that person knows that they should not be in the
relationship, but feel torn because they want the person back so they
don't feel lonely and rejected, then Anger can actually come in
handy.
Due to Anger being a powerful emotion,
it can sometimes trump insecurities and help someone remember how
they were wronged and how often, possibly keeping things like
unhealthy relationships, abuse or any form of mistreatment at bay.
There is an Anger Recalibration Theory studied by Cosmides, Tooby and
Sells that allows someone to regulate how they perceive or
recalibrate their own sense of self worth. If someone mistreats you,
Anger can remind you that you don't have to allow mistreatment.
Anger allows people to stand up for themselves. Anger can be
unleashed or it can be harnessed. But Anger should never be
suppressed. When people suppress anger, it rarely disappears, it
tends to build up over time and then eventually makes it's way out in
unhealthy ways such as abuse, yelling, alcohol /substance abuse, self
harm as well as many other forms. Anger can be helpful as long as
“the flame is kept low” according to Harvard’s Professor
Learner. Anger can be harnessed with Assertiveness. Assertiveness
allows a person to address a problem or share an opinion while
respecting themselves and others. If someone lacks Assertiveness, and
instead is more Aggressive, Passive or Passive-Aggressive, there is
still hope. Assertiveness can be learned over time with practice.
Some people study Assertiveness using self help books or get
individualized instruction from a Therapist.
Anger on a biological level raises the
heart rate, blood pressure, testosterone level (in men and women) and
in essence, allows the body to let off steam according to
Psychologists Charles Carver of the University of Miami and Eddie H.
Jones of the University of New South Wales. Although high levels of
the Anger response can be unhealthy, moderate to mild levels of anger
cause the stress hormone, cortisol to drop which can, at times, help
people to calm down and get ready to face a problem head on. When
Anger is taking place, the left anterior cortex of the brain is
activated. This area of the brain deals with approach behaviors that
push people toward wanting outcomes or reaching goals. When this
region of the brain is active, it can lead to feelings of pleasure
when someone feels they can move towards making a situation better by
approaching it. Basically, when we get angry, we tend to want to
approach a situation to try and eliminate a problem. When the blood
pressure raises, and the cortisol lowers, something as simple as
venting can, at times, calm someone enough to think more rationally.
But venting needs to be done in a way where it is not harming others
or ourselves. Venting to a trusted friend, family member or an
objective third party like a Therapist can be helpful when dealing
with Anger.
Anger is not always the Bad Guy. It's
what we DO with the Anger that can turn it into the Bad Guy or
possibly even turn it into the Productive Guy.
Author:
Charity M. Loring, LMSW
Loring Therapy, LLC
Providing Affordable Therapy to the
Metro Detroit Area
Loringtherapy.com
References:
Harvard University
University of New South
Wales
University of Miami
Psychologytoday
